Eat , Pray , Love

don't keep me hanging

2011-02-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

please , don't keep me hanging on too long . you don't know when can i hold on to you . i don"t want stay like this , you have to tell her . or one day , you will lose me ..

be gentle

2011-02-12T21:06:00.000-08:00

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been

And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing

So I let down my guard, drop my defenses, down by my clothes

I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me

There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree

I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me

Underneath

I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I've found your fingerprints on a glass of wine

Do you know you're leaving them all over this heart of mine, too

But if I never take this leap of faith, I'll never know

So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me

There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree

I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me

Underneath

I bruise easily, I bruise easily

Anyone who

Can touch you

Can hurt you

Or heal you.

Anyone who

Can reach you

Can love you

Or leave you...

So be gentle

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me

There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree

I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me

Underneath

I bruise easily,

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me

There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree

I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me

Underneath

I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I bruise easily

price tag

2011-02-12T20:17:00.001-08:00

Omq !~ dier sunqquh hot please ! haha .

So yeaah , lonq time no update . LAAAAAZY !

Yesterday qo watch chinqay qith my family and sedares all . best best . tapi , tempat dier cam sumpah panas qiler -.- some more i was wearinq this lonq dress . cam naaq ikat jer sampai atas macam , banqlabangla . haha ! then kiter main the rides , main yanq bender pusinqpusinq tuu . luckily my skirt never flyyy :D jalanjalan , then my adik pulak sakit perot -.- leceh siaa , teman her qo toilet ah , skali ader satu matsaleh hot ni , tanyer am i okay ? /; paderhal yanq sakit nan tercanqkonq is my sister and dier tanyer yaani , yaani okay taqq ? kesiaanyer hot hot , tpi potek laa kan ? haha ! balik , tros barinq barinq otp nan dier till 3 , then skali yaani terdenqar oranq ketawer ! sial ah , terperanjat sekejap , naaq try tido jer daa takot sanqat . then i qo call him aqain! haha , beh kener ketwerkan -.-" best .

And yeaah , don't you worry cause i'm doinq fine . i qot to know , you texted my sister askinq if i cry all tht . well , don't worry . i"m happy .

her voice is freakinq sedap siaaaa ! fell inlove with this .

second reply

2011-02-06T00:51:00.000-08:00

A reply :

I know , and i'm really thankful to have friends tht really stuck up for me . But riqht now , i'm just gonna make it clear , tht i would not repeat my old mistakes . I'm not qonna qive him my heart . But like i said i and him , cumer contact jerr . We're qonna see how thinqs qo fr this upcominq 2 years . Yaani taaq raser , salah untuk cinta laqy denqan dier fr the second time kan ? I know my limits this time . Thanks fr beinq so concern towards me .

a reply

2011-02-04T00:36:00.000-08:00

haha , yes he is .

Heyy , i want to update and reply to a post . that , had hurt me so much and just left me thinkinq .

So , its nice tht you actuaally cared to tell me . I will like to thankyou . But to me , those are past . Thinqs that have happen , whether its real or made up . I don't care . Cause this is the present , you just have to accept tht everybody has its past . Bad or qood . Nobody is born free from mistakes . Nobody , even me . I had my mistakes . I played my part to hurt him , once . It wasn't his fault it was mine . If he don't love me , and anythinq . If we were not meant to be , so be it . What does it qt to do with you ? You have simply no idea , what we have qone thru , and how he have proven to me . We must learn how to forqive and forqet . Its not tht kiter naaq straiqht jadi mataer , i told you didn't i . Thinqs like this , i don't want to rush . We still can prove . I also , contact with alot of people . Tapi you sayanqkan juqak . So riqht now , i want to ask you . Pompuan sundal macam yaani ker yanq you naq ?! So yeaah . You just have to think .

I just don't like it . There are better ways to say it .

it seems so hard

2011-01-29T03:40:00.000-08:00

i want it to repeat )':

I'm not sure , if you meant what you said . I'm scared , and i know so do you riqht ? iloveyou . but if only you could prove to me more . Show me your sincerity , cause i don't know what to believe . It will be easier if you could just tell me the truth . Whenever i'm with you , you treated me so different . When you touched my hand , suddenly i miss us )': i don't know if you feel it . But tht was what i was feelinq . I want fj square to happen aqain . bt , i'm scared . i'm not qettinq my hopes up and all . What if i qet hurt aqain , you're the cause of every tears . but i know , its somehow worth .

I just don't understand you , why are you makinq it so hard ? You're just like an on and off button . Sometimes , you're nice and sweet and sometimes you're not . And whenever i ask , you told me tht you don't want to disturb me and some other quy ? i had my heart set on you , only you cannot see tht . yes , i do sayanqkan him , but ... how hard i tried . my feelinqs fr him is weaker . My feelinq fr you is stronqer . but i don"t know ... i just don't .

2011-01-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

heyy , i thouqht of chanqinq my bloqsonq to move on by bruno mars . beh muzicons sot siaaa -.- nantinanti uh , lau ader time yaani try laaqy . so yeaah , baru habis cuci toilet , sakit sehh pinqqanq daa lamer taq cuci nyer pasal . kener beros sumer benda , sapu rumah laaqy . naik turon itu tanqqe . walao ! mati siaa lau harihari qyni . penat amaat . hahah . pemalas riqht iknow :/

So later plan naaq qo peninsula buy shoe . Or jalanjalan i don't know , ikot my uncle ker aper . Pusinqpusinq satu s'pore ker laaqy best , dari dudok rumah . Erm , yeaah . My mom reqistered to qo to umrah this cominq june . She will be leavinq fr two weeks . haha , atlast she had her wish . Even , she had to qo there without her husband , if it wasn't fr my o's . i'll follow her , i want to qo there too . but unfortunately , she will be qoinq with nenek atok . thinkinq about this makes me cry ): i pity my mother , why can't i suffer her pain . and let her be happy (: ilove my ibu ..

2011-01-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

hey like so lonq never update riqht ? haha ! Look , at my eyebaqs . Like so biq riqht ! i'm still very tired , after tht 3 days 2 niqhts camp . taaq cukup tido siaa . macam accident berlaku , scary experiences ! haha ; malam jumaat , jalan bahtera somemore wht do you expect laa kan ! short post laaa k ? when laptop daah repair , i update lonqer ! alriqht qoodniqht world (;

A new Yaani

2010-12-28T17:17:00.000-08:00

Hey ! haha , sorry fr beinq so pedihpedih on my last few posts . Ish , borinq laa naaq macam qyni jerr , 2011 kaan naq dekat ? So kener ader new motive in life , concentrate on o levels , and smileee :D Boleh taaq ? Mesti boleh laa kan ?

So yeaah , i don't know why i seem so hyper today . I quess , because my lips don't hurt anymore , pasal this few days naaq smile sakitlaaa . haha ! ish , yaani taaqmo bilanq oranq ni secret ^^ Nanti meetinq , my primary school friends . Yana , huda , deena , Afiq , haziq . Go play layanqlayanq , macam picnic laaa qytu , but i have to meet yana first qo accompany her qo buy book .

I quess , whatever happens now , its just what i decide on . It may be a mistake , i may turn out to be somethinq qood . Human beinqs learn from makinq decisions . And , every heartbreak leads us closer to happy endinqs riqht ? So yeaah , yaani why must qive up hope ? Dier bukan soranq jerrkan dalam dunie ni ? I can find others , that is worth thinkinq about . I don't need to be toyed . I think , now i qotta value my eqo more ! haha ! Be stronq , cause i know . Nothinq last forever , everythinq come and qo and it depends on whether you're willinq to let qo or not . So now , i'm beqinniq to let qo , thinqs tht are not mine . Why bother holdinq on ? buat sakitkhati jerr btol taaq ? So yeaa . A new Nur Fithriyaani Bte Jumari , fr 2011 ^^

Shasha Rose

2010-12-27T18:46:00.000-08:00

Heyy , tht will be Shasha Rose . I sumpah i sayanq her alot . We have been facinq hard times , but we both know tht we have each others back )': i know i can't rely on anyone else to cheer me up , they can only cause us pain , then run away . This are all criminals at heart . When i went to her house just now , her mother was like askinq am i okay ? Cause she say she heard me cryinq on the phone . So yeaah , my eyes was teary , cause tht time was when i felt somene actually care enuff to ask me ): When i was in Shasha's room , i just can't hold on . That i poured everythinq to her . And a huq was all i need .

Even how upside down my world's qonna be , i have to do somethinq about it . I have to stay stronq fr myself , not fr my family , him or anybody else . Cause , they can never understand , what i feel . Even if i don't qet appreciated , well . Everythinq must be sincere , we can't expect anythinq back riqht ? So what if i'm sad ? So what if i'm hurt alonq the way , let me qet this straiqht . I'm immune to it all . I just keep breakinq , so what is the point on holdinq everythinq up riqht ? I may feel lonely , but i think all this are part of life . We can't do anythinq to chanqe . So yeaaah . May 2011 , be a different year . Please , 2011 i want to be happy . That is all i ever wanted .

Dear new girlf ,

2010-12-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

Why ? Girls would want to chase , someone who hurts them so much , and iqnore on those who really love them ? Macam qirls , really love qettinq hurt by boys . She like sanqqop put aside all the hurtinqs just because of love ? Are all qirls like tht well i don't know .

Dear New Girlf ,

I hope , you will take care of him , and do a better job than me . He really loves , when you're always there fr him , when he is in trouble . Don't always cry on the phone , cause tht will make him sad . And he doesn't like it . Don"t lie to him , always tell him the truth . Don't cheat on him , show to him tht he is the only one you love . And i'm sure he will to (: cause tht is somethinq he never lacks in showinq . Randomly just text him , and tell him what he means to you , he really do . When he is mad or anqry , try to make him lauqh . Give him space , fr his life . Cause you can't expect him to be with you always , he hates beinq restricted . Don't qet anqry if he smokes , he will stop whenever he feels like it . Don't force him . Grab his hands , when you are walkinq with him , make him lauqh , do crazy and stupid stuffs around him . Don't force him , to tell you his problems , but just be there and comfort him . He really loves sinqinq on the phone , and playinq quitar . Even , if you don't like the qenre of music just listen to him . He can sinq sonq like a lullaby to you every niqht . Appreciate him . everythinq tht he do fr you . Thank him , tht will make hin feel appreciated . Well new qirlf , i hope you quys last lonq .

His past girlf .

2010-12-20T00:10:00.001-08:00

I was just surfinq youtube , when i found this ! haha . Best aaaah , i like this version better than Nelly's .

2010-12-19T19:29:00.000-08:00

I need a break from everythinq like seriously . My heart , is just stumblinq around not knowinq what to do . And , my brain just won't help me . I had enough , i wasn't beinq yaani for the past 5 months . I turned , to a hideous player . Goinq around , and beinq so hurt and lonely , i took it out on other people )': i'm beinq a bitch . But , after thinkinq and reflectinq on everythinq , all this doesn't make me feel happy , my heart doesn't seem to be at ease . Instead , i'm creatinq more hurt in it . All this , need to come to an end . I know , whom i love . I know , whom i want to be with . I know whom , i'll wait for . So , there should not be anyone , cominq in between till i'm really ready , to let qo . Anyway , there is no use rushinq thru this thinqs . I want to be someone , tht doesn't need a boy by her side , to keep her smilinq . I don't need tht . I won't be dependinq on anyone but myself . Whatever , is qoinq to happen , i leave it to qod . He knows best laa riqht ?

I'm sorry , wan . I can't do this anymore , i can't brinq myself to lie to anybody . I memanq sayanqkan you . No doubts tht i do , but my heart . I tried to love you , qive my whole heart to . But , i don't know , why i can't do tht . I really love beinq around you . You just make me lauqh and smile , with all your stupid jokes . But , i think now . I just need time . I don't want to continue doinq all this . I'm sorry , tht i hurt you . I know , you are really keen , to make me move on . I tried to , but i just can't . Not yet . I hope you don't mind , if we were to be friends , fr now ):

2010-12-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

I
never used to be jealous then I liked you. Now, I’m jealous if just about
every
girl that you talk to, smile at or even wave at all because in those
seconds
when you look at her eyes, I wasn’t on your mind.

Heyy , daa balik frm Batam daa :D

I didn't have a nice time , during my holidays . I cried there alot )': I just can't bare it all . I can't bare seeing your face . i didn't mean to break your heart , my intention was only to be strong fr my mother . I want to help her , ease her pain . If i can , i'll take the pain away frm her , so it will be me who is hurting )': ibu is sick pa .. Please do something to change this family . fr her . not fr me , but fr my siblings to . You told me , you want to correct everything , but what are you correcting ? which part of this , is correct infront of your eyes ? I know i can never be good infront of your eyes . Even , i didn't say it . even if i'm rude to you . You should know tht deep down in me , you're still my father and iloveyou ):

I keep crying this few days . Keep crying myself to sleep , sampai pagi pagi mate daa kalah panda . Why isn't there any day , fr me not to cry . Faking smiles is easy . watching everyone have fun , watching someone get to see my face and smile , tht is really nice feeling . But inside ? i'm just breaking down so much . The person i love , no longer here fr me . Its time , fr me to let go . I can'thold onto you anymore , the promise we made . i don't know till when i can love you . Cause loving you just hurt me so much . i want to move on . but how ? what do you expect me to say or do when you have others in your heart to ? hearing you going out with her , wanting her to be yours . Then , what am i still doing here ? Why don't you put yourself in my shoes , if i were to treat you like this you will definitely hate me boy ... Sometime , i just think tht i'm being stupid to hold on )':

i love you with all my butt (:

2010-12-03T05:51:00.000-08:00

i find this macam super cute ! hahah , my butt is bigger !

Alright , i kener update my blog , sebab wan mati mati suro . haha ! So here , i'm leaving fr batam tomorrow . 2 days 1 night . Macam of all places kan ? -.- i really hate going there , and i know my mom does too . Tapi , my aunt daa book tickets , so what else can we do kan ? hmm so yeah , skip the topic . I have been sick , fr the past two days , cause of the weather ah ni agaknye , have been vomitting alot also -.- haha , macam pregnant women eh ? but , NO ! i'm not . Me and wan , plan naq cut down on smoking ! haha , he cut down ? yaani sumpah taqleh percayer . So i made up this plan , tht whenever dier beli rokok ameq satu batang the rest kasi yaani simpankan . haha ! then , yaani habiskan , haha okay right ? i know right .

And , i'm currently , having problem dengan seseorang makhluk tuhan ni ! cb ! i really , don't like when people just spread ugly stuffs that is untrue about me . What have i ever done to you ? what wrong ? until i deserve all this ? People nowadays , just don't use their brains whenever they say somethings . Please eh boy , choose your words wisely ! you wait ah ! i'll confront you , infront of your friends and let them see how world you are ! stupid fcker ! i'm like so pissed when i heard all this sia ! pfft .

Yaani Delaney

2010-11-28T21:51:00.000-08:00

Heyy ! i miss this siaaa . dibelai and loved . haha ! random eh ? yaa .

Aniway , planning to go cycling later tapi tngok ah ! its raining , punyer laa lebat . Then end up , me and shasha rose lepak lepak jer laaa . And oh yaa , i have something in mind uh this few days . k , listen here . I'm a big girl , and i believe i'm big enough to make my own choices . Whatever consequences it has . I'm the one who has to face it . I don't mind you ginving advices , but i just don't like the way you boss around with my life . You're not my parents , and you should know very well tht you have no rights over me . Ijust don't like , it . When i don't listen to you , you will give me those faces tht make me feel so guilty . I have to listen to your needs and wants . But what about me ? don't i have any rights fr my own life ? hmmm , i don't think so .

Rozita Yusof

2010-11-27T11:41:00.000-08:00

Time check , daa pukul 3:44 am . I'm still awake . Actually , yaani daa sleep tao , but i was awaken by this wonderful dream ^^ haha . wasted siaaa . Smpi sekarang taaqleh tido .

So today , i spent the whole day with my mother (: Cause today , was suppose to be her 17 years of anniversary with my dad . But , i think he forgot ): And my mom was crying fr having to face him in the house , so i decided to ajak her out with my auntie . So kiter pn meet kat northpoint , makan icecream pt macd then when straight to arab street , go look fr somethings . then gy ilumma plan naaq go watch movie . tpi taaqder criter best pon -_________- ader pon sumer NC16 . pfft , wait ah ! next year , i come ! haha ! then ended up kiter maen maen game pt timezone , macam idiot kan ? haha ! bt i just want to cheer her up ^^ after tht , kiter go jalan pat bugis street , buy my topi ! mom say , i look different . yelaar , lau taq asyik sebok jek nan fringe . So after tht , kiter go makan pt beachroad . haha , tulang tulang ^^ . Then baleq , i'm so tired now . Want try sleep . byee

ps :

suke - s

sayang - ?

cinta - ?

pfft ! make me cannot sleep , piker pasal ni ! T.T

what hurts the most

2010-11-25T05:43:00.000-08:00

I really love the cover of this song , it just leave me crying badly .

class bbq

2010-11-25T03:59:00.000-08:00

My class bbq , was AWESOME ! lets put aside the fact on some people tht i don't wish to say

names ruined a quarter of tht day . So mostly what we did was swimming ! haha , from 2 plus all the way to around 6 . haha ! imagine , how dark my skin

is now . dark dark brown . like keling maner already ! haha , well no tht dark uh . kiter maen dare alot of stupid stupid ideas , only the

8 of know alright ^^ then i went cycling with adel ! haha , atfirst we failed to keep the bicycle balance uh , bt fr awhile i get a hold of it , some more i infront , takot jekk adel terjatoh , dier pulak terpekik pkeik , laagy laa yaani panic semacam haha ! then then , cycling jap with fir , stopped at the jetty fr awhile . i planned to jum frm there ! but , fir , please yaani please -_____- haha ! then continued back , dier pulak naq race nan orang putih maner taaah . yaani , maner laa boleh catch up , so i put up my leg , dier sorang ajer yang cycle ^^ clever taaq ? haha , well i know . after , tht makan makan , continue swimming laagy ! haha , sumpah fun i give tht day 7/10 uh . Lets have another outing next year alright people ! ^^ bbye ! (:

tuition outing

2010-11-22T20:11:00.001-08:00

Sorry fr the harsh previous post . When bacer bacer baleq , i sound so haarsh laa . haha , i guess its just the way , naq lepaskan geram .

Aniway , i had a wonderful tuition outing yesterday , with irfan , keemy , ikha , rasyidah , syukri and ariani . HAHA ! so , met irfan at 11 , but i was late like fr 5 minutes . So irfan tunggu , then we both go banquet naq makan , beh irfan just cannot make up his mind kan -_______- so , kiter turon baleq all the way to MacD . then went to cold storage buy my bubble tea , then went to value dollar tu beli air fr later nyer picnic . so we just walked pt interchange meet adel , py bayar utk bq this wed . dudok nan irfan pt int smoke break jap ^^ then meet the rest pt bns . HAHAH ! rasyidah siap bawak monopoly skali ! haha . then trained all the way to marina barrage . kacau kacau irfan yang sudaah botak . "bald people are hot ! " hahah . then nae shuttle bas sumer bla bla . malas naq criterkan panjang panjang , then we went to ion orchard , jalan jalan window shopping . then kiter pon baleq . gambar gambar banyak pt facebook .

Me and aris , we stop contacting , fr good maybe ... takecare pig ):

2010-11-21T06:59:00.000-08:00

Semua lelaki samer jek ! samer ! do you know , how much i hate this people . They will make it nice to hear , but nothing to prove . You say , don't bother bout your personal life . Who do you think she is siaaa if she is not allow to know your personal matter . Its not official , so she still has her rights . I can terimer if you want to maki me . Call me fcuker all you want . I don't care . Call me whatever names you want , but not to my mother you idiot ! fcuker ! taq payah baleq laa sia , kau dudok saner ah ! kumpul duit banyak banyak , duit boleh bawak kebahagian kan ? tido ah kau nan duit kau ! i put up with you , cause of my mother . i want to stay strong fr her . but now ? youu look what you have done . Korg , naq tawu knaper aqu taqnaq dengar cakap dier kan ? i have my reasons . korg lau ingat aqu taq tawu respect bapak sendiri , itu korg nyer pasal !

things begin to change

2010-11-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

Things began to change , as i soon woke up from all this . I don't deserve to be treated tht way . I know i deserve better . Finally , i'm standing on my feet , slowly but surely i'll be able to leave you behind . Having Aris around to make laugh , and smile , is something tht i'm really greatful for . Pig , thanks fr understanding my situation and all ! date kiter gy science centre jady tao ! haha !

i'm spending alot of time , wit shasha rose this week . haha ! gerek ah , since both single , we spent alot of time doing crazy stuff outside together ! hah , my wani having hard time now , but its okay kiter go thru together alright ? kye boleh cry together ^^v haha !

2010-11-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

Why is it so hard to replace you , fcuk .

2010-11-17T06:52:00.000-08:00

Outing photos , with shasha rose to town ^^
this is what happen , when wani and yaani meet . iloveher !

plain stupid

2010-11-11T03:35:00.000-08:00

i don't trust you . i thought , i should just hold on to you . Cause , i thought you are gonna be worth waiting . but , i guess i'm just being plain wrong .

it't just not the same .

2010-11-09T00:36:00.000-08:00

Our last family photo taken , on the year 2009 )':

I felt so different , with things cramping in my head right now . Trying to juggle my studies and family probs . So please , please , taaqmo tambahkan saket kepaler yaani )': Agent rumah , are coming to view the house . i can't believe we are selling this house . The house , where all the sweet and pain memories we had as a family . Now , its breaking . You once promised us , you will keep the house until we get married . Cause you , want to see us going down the stairs in our wedding dress . It was the family , dream house . i can't believe we are selling it after 5 years ): Living separately , all of us . I don't know who else , should i pour it to . i sound so pathetic ): i hate 2010 ! i really do ...

Love love love ? i don't feel it anymore , fcuk yeaaa

2010-11-07T19:30:00.000-08:00

Everything is just cocked up !

Won't be updating for some time .

over

2010-11-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

Kembalilah )': ku merindukan belaianmu .

Things between me and you ,which is over . i'm sorry . i just don't want to be hurt deeper . goodbye and take care )':

boring laaaaa

2010-11-02T22:31:00.001-07:00

This is what i do when i'm bored hahah !

Sayer sunggoh bored di rumah ): Macam sumpah taqder kerja . hmm , i'm actually annoyed with this guy tht keep sending me , unappropriate website at msn -________________- haiyoo ! when i delete him , nanti dier keep on requesting ! sheesh , taqder orang laen ker dier naaq irritate ? pfft . Just now , taaq go claas , cause i'm feeling sickly again . My throat , suare daa kalah nan amy search ! haha . Dudok rumah , dari taadi , to make matters worse , my ppd boleh low laaa pulak -.- naseb akyd ader , naq layankan my crapness and all . alright then byeee

i'm just tired

2010-11-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry if my love fade towards you . I just , don't feel the way i use to feel about you . I don't know , what is wrong with me . I'm just so tired of getting hurt over and over again . I already have a person tht iszhurting me continuosly , i don't need anymore of heartaches . This , just got to end . Boys and everything . i want to really concentrate on my studies . Whatever tht is going to happen just let it be . I'm just tired .

And i'm stuck with this song , i really love the lyrics . It mean so much to me ! ^^

down

2010-10-31T22:56:00.000-07:00

I have no words , on how to describe what i'm feeling right now . Look up , see the quote ? hmm , yeaa . I feel so worthless , tht i have no mood . I hardly smile , today . Keep saying i'm fine . when the fact i'm breaking inside . Nobody seem to understand me . Nobody . I have no one else to hear me cry . Where are all this people when i'm broken ? I don't seem to trust anyone with my secret anymore . I don't know with who else , can i share it with . I'm just exhausted and tired of wanting to please everybody around , when i'm struggling to pick up the pieces . I gave kyd my heart , and i trusted him to fix it fr me . But , i guess you just leave it astray huh ?

what is happening to the world ?

2010-10-30T05:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say already . What , should i say . Do i even have the right to get mad or even jealous . Why can't you just think , just spare a thought of what it would make me feel before even doing it . I know , i have no rights , i can't control you , its up to you . Its your life . But i'm just , frustrated . I'm trying to understand you , but take it easy . Slowly , don't do this to me . It hurts me y'know . Maybe to you , i'm controlling , and will easily get jealous . But seriously , any girl will . trust me . They jut won't admit it . I just , can't and don't know what else to say or even do . I'll just keep quiet then , see . What are you gonna do about it .

On the other hand i'm wondering what is wrong with the world now . Why can't people just stick to one partner . Cheat behind the other person's back . Why won't this people think what their partner will feel , when they find out . Why are this people so selfish ? Why is it hard just to stay loyal , to one ? Divorcing , marrying others , why ? If they happen to have children , which are still immature , growing up seeing their parents as their role models . Won't this parents think ? i just don't understand , what is happening to us people living on this world )': its just saddening . Will i have a good and loving future husband ? hmm , i just don't know .

dissapointed

2010-10-28T22:35:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the late update , been lazy . So yeah . My results are just disgustingly awful ! I'm so mad at myself , i know i could have done better . Eventho , i was promoted to sec 4 , i feel like appealing to retain in sec3 . Is there even such a thing ? -.- i passed my , eng , mt , and dnt only ! tell me , i'm not ready for sec 4 siaaaaaaaa . I want to improve on my foundation , i'll rather retain sec3 then flunk my o's . Hmmm ): I'm just so dissapointed .

Relationship wise , lets just say . I hurt aqid alot . I keep looking on someone , whom won't return . Stay blinded , and not realise someone whom have been loving me , right infront of my eyes . I'm just blocked stupid . That i asked fr break , then soon i grew to regret . Cause , i can't lie to him or anybody else , tht my heart still love fir more . Its just difficult to let go . Its not tht i don't love aqid ): its just not the same . I need to get use to you , kyd .. it takes time . If you were to believe , and love me . I'm sure no doubt tht my heart will soon open for you :D Please don't gve up on me just yet . iloveyou.

2010-10-24T11:21:00.000-07:00

Time check daa , kul 2:22 am . And yaani maseh blm tido ! I really can't sleep . Keep on reading bhy punyer post ! yang sumpah sweet sangaaaaaat . haha

Muhammad Aqid , sayer sayang nan awak tao . Cause , you know how to make me attrated to you more and more . Every smile tht you carve on my face , every kiss and hugs and ofcourse love . Make me want you more . HAHAH ! i definitely miss your cheekiness :P bt sadly , laagy 2 more weeks then can meet ); rindu laaaaaaaaaaaar . You ask me , why am i attracted to you , well i really can't answer much cause love come even when i didn't ask them too (: and i guess it picked you .

I'll get jealous with every girl tht you talk and meet . I guess that is just my insecurities acting up , cause i know i'm not the prettiest girl . And , there is definitely room for jealousy , when you're in love right ? i really , hope this relationship will last , cause i think i have enough of broken hearts . You're just the best laaa bhy (; i like making you jealous , cause i know tht you want me by yourself ? you would not want , to have other guys talking and flerting ard with me ? haha ~ i don't what else to describe my love , i'll just show it to you alright ?

ILOVEYOUPANTAT !

211010

2010-10-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to fall for this guy , he is very attentive and understanding and really fun to be with . I really thank god , tht i met you to pick up the pieces and make me a whole new yaani (: i really love the way , you make me laugh . Whenever , i'm around you , even how sad i am . I tend to smile haha . You really never fail , to carve a smile on my face , that is how special you are to me . And 211010 , marks our day . boy , i promise you tht even how hard it is to move on , i'll will you give me whole heart . i'm sorry if its broken , tht is why i trust you ti fix up fr me . iloveyou Muhammad Aqid Bin Muhammad Ali . Eh , cheeky stay by my side until long long alright (:

2010-10-18T18:32:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to run away from this feeling , the feeling of loving and missing you . Bt i don't know if i can ever do tht )': cause , my heart keep on missing you . Whenever , i'm with akyd . yes he do make me laugh , make me smile and blush . i never been so nervous to meet someone after you . but , at the end of the day , all i think about was you )': how i tried to keep you out of my head , how i act to be strong on replying your text )': it was so hard . remember the text when i say , " i had someone else in mind ? " well , tht person is not in my heart )': only mind . but you , how much i hate to admit it . i just can't erase you )': i'm so sorry .

2010-10-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

i regretted everything . giving love ! kmaakk ! kao sumpah demi allah taaq worth it ! eh , kenaper tareq baju ajer ? asl taqnaq bukakan teros ? reason naaq luperkann contact macam macam pompuan now what the fuck sakk ! ehh , ni bukan orang yang bilang laagy tao ! i saw it with my own eyes . step sayang ! step adr feelings ! kmakk , laki macam kao , who think tht you are superior to all girls , should get your head straight . tapi , sekarang ni , time kao . kao tngok nanti . what comes around goes around . have a nice life fir !

i hate tht i love you

2010-09-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

i have loved you , i still continue . but , i don't know if what i'm feeling now is worthy . Cause i'm starting to feel like it doesn't . This feeling tht i had fr him , after we break cause me nothing but tears . Holding my heart pain and all . fuck hurt . but , does he care ? hmm , i'll be dreaming if he does . cause whatever i do now , whatever i say now , will never appeal to him . cause i meant nothing . even if he say he love me still , those are just words . saying i love you , are easy . a bunch of words . but proving it , hmm . now that is difficult .

2010-09-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

guys are stupid fuckers ! sweet talker mother fucker !

i miss us

2010-09-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

i love you , from the very beginning . You left me in tears after hearing tht song . Separuh jiwaku pergi )': i know , it was my mistake . i only texted , i never loved other guy . i wasn't cheating on you . please laa you , please just at least this last time , believe me . cause i'm not lying . I know , you still love me . I know , you still can't move on . Please give me one last chance to open your heart . i'll try my best , cause we both know . That is it was each other tht we love . Am i right ? you treated me this way , and all just to forget me right ? tell you what , i'm doing tht to , but are you successful ? cause i'm not . it was you tht i'm thinking of . its not them , it was your text i was waiting for and not them . it was you , you tht i want not them . We both sacrifice alot fr each other , please don't let it all go to waste . i'll give you time if that is what you want ....... i'm in love with you fir . i want us to be together again , just like the old times .... i'll make you happy )': just like how we use to be .....

2010-09-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

All this while , i realised i had been stupid . Stupid to love you , i realise when a guy whom truly loves me won't treat me like the way you did , even how much i hurt and did wrong to you . If you had really had loved me , you will forgive and forget . And , really see tht it was you whom i love , bt no . You are using the time and my mistakes to make an excuse fr yourself to go and flert with other girls . And i was dumb enough to think tht this is what i get after breaking your heart . Now , i doubted the love tht you had once given me . Do you do all this to your previous girlfriends ? am i one of the victims ? do you enjoy playing and toying ard with me ? cause you think that i was lucky enough to have a good looking actor to fell in love with me . Bt it wasn't the looks tht i fell . It was your heart , how special you made me feel . That was wht i fell for . Bt now , i'm not so sure if all the love you had given me was just an act and i was being foolish to play along with it . I thought you were different . You're using me aren't you ?? i gave you everything , my love my heart . everything . We had gone through alot together . Was my mistake really that unforgiveable tht you treat me like this . Like your spare tyre ? gotten bored of me and threw me away ? was i really tht sensetive and blinded with love until , i can't see all this . Tht you're using me ?

2010-09-14T04:50:00.000-07:00

my heart is breaking , everything is breaking )': why can life be so hard .. at times like this . firdaus , i don't know what to say . if only i can see sincerity . i'm starting to see myself as his spare tyre ): you will come and talk to me , when you feel like and then you will leave me and again leave me hanging .. i know i did mistakes , but why all this ? you told me you love me , you told me you miss me . bt your actions doesn't show . you tbetbe changed like that . then , you leave me trying to wonder what did i do ): i understand if you're trying back to accept me , bt i don't understand . i can take that , and slowly you can see the changes tht i made , just the sake fr his love . when you jaap layan then jap macam taqnaq layan . then what ? i accept it , mayb this what i get fr breaking you're heart . i want to move on , bt i can't . i love you , not a little bt alot . i tried to think negative things about you , bt it keeps on coming to be positive ); but , why is all this happening ? lau sudah taq sayang , taqmo laa saketkan hati i , yang daa saket . i feel so broken . i don't know what to do , what to say to express what i'm feeling , bt i don't feel this feeling fair . i don't know if you really mean what you said . you contact alot of girls , i don't care because i know where i stand i'm just your ex . bt , i would really love tht you make me your no. 1 . cause this is what i'm doing nw . )'; i doa laa banyak banyak pt Tuhan , tht you can see how much you mean to me . Amin .

my family , is adding to my headaches and heartpain ): they decided to tell me first their eldest tht they are filing fr divorce after nofy's psle . for they don't want to disturb her focus on studies .. i guess no woman like living sharing their husband with another woman . now tht i know , tht my parents are acting infront of us . my dad love my mom no more . and my mom , is left crying everyday . it sucks just to see your mother cry and not being able to do anything abt it . i hate myself ! trying to show her tht i'm fine . when actually i'm not . masok keluar hospital , i told her tht i wasn't thinking about anything . i don't want her to wrry about me . bt my conditions are getting worse . wht can i do ??)): please let it stop . if all of this people really love me ): pleaaase ..i can't take it anymore

so hurt

2010-09-07T01:53:00.000-07:00

I'm irritated with people who jus love to put words into other people's like aper motive siaaaa !? tbetbe , one person just have to scold and maki maki just because of the idiot , who just can't keep the mouth shut . baru 15 tahun , citer citer naaq jadi aper ? makcik kpo ehh ? naaq jage tepi kain orang . you think ehh , we have been close for like 2 years now , and suddenly you're keeping a distance away from me . you didn't tell me what i did wrong , nothing . you expect me to what ? i'm not your mind reader sehh . biler senang , luper kawan pat sini . bler susah , baru naaq cari . who do you think i am ? will it hurt just to ask me , instead of believing others . taaq pasal yaani jugaak yang kener . yang salah sumer yaani . yang buruk sumer yaani . daa tawuu buat taik , beh yang disalahkan yaani . piker aper ? maafkan maafkan , abeh naeq atas kepaler ahh ? gitu ? pikir yaani nii taqder perasaan ker ? hati nik make from batu ? sial arhh ! daa uh , i don't want to have anthing to do with you people . btol aper orang cakap , kawan melayu , susah naaq dapat yang btolbtol ikhlas dan sayangkan diri kite .

I LOVE YOU

2010-09-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

i love him still , i love him so much ): i still can't manage to forget him ... everything tht we had gone thru together ): thru thick and thin . i still keep his text message , his voice the song he sung fr me , every night ): how can i forget all that . And guess who ruined all this , me ): nur fithriyaani . Now tht i have private my blog , i can say , i can put any pictures tht i had with him , just to let out , how darn much i miss this guy ): i know , i had done alot to hurt him ... i doubted him but i never never loved other guy ): i know , he doesn't believe it anymore . pretending to have moved on , when i have not . its like fucking hard siaa ! no other guy , can handle me better than he can ... how much i miss being touched and loved by him ... i ruined fj square ): its all because of me .. i broke his and my heart .. i promised myself , now look ... hmmm , i hated myself fr letting all this happen ); everynight , i cried myself to sleep whenever i hear the recordings tht we had together ): the video of you naaq go sarawak and left me fr three weeks .. i never texted other people .. i never called others 'b' except for him .. why won't he believe me ): yes , i may have given my email bt that was all . i never chatted or even meet up with tht person . i never repeat the mistake i did on our 4th month . bt you believe others , and not me ... i know i had lied , but my feelings have never changed since the first time . y'know me right ? i don't fall easily , for any other random guy . bt i fell for you , i fell hard fr firdaus jumaat ): you're the only one who really touched my heart . the problems i face , when i'm with you it felt effortless ): the courage tht i had from you , the person who lighten my day , even how dark it maybe ); my tears are rolling down ... i can't control , how much guilt i'm feeling now ): the sacrifices tht you made for me ): sacrifices we make just fr each other .. do you remember the time , when my father wanted to meet you . i thought you are not gonna come , just like all the cowards i dated before . bt you were different , you were so responsible , you met up with him , and gotten a warning to not continue this relationship , eventho i was beaten up like crazy , we still want to carry on with our relationship ): see how stubborn we are ? we thought nothing could ever separate us . the first time i ate ice kacang with your mother ): how nervous i was , and you tell me its was all fine ... when i slept in your arms , first time we spending time together after the 3 weeks you left me ): 26 march ...... do you remember ? i was back from my nyaa .. i was so tired tht i slept soundly , on your arms accompany by the sound of your heartbeat . you held me so close so tightly to your chest ): ... all the memories , the time i spent with you ): was the happiest time of my life ): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ! FIRDAUS JUMAAT I LOVE AND MISS YOU SVM !

2010-08-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking whether should i private my blog (: i guess i will be privating it in a few days time . So i can share more of my private stories up . So leave your email , on my tagboard or tell me . So thats all , have a nice life people ! :D I will update more when my blog is private !

2010-08-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

Apologies , for the very boring site (: i'm not in the mood or even active in blogging . So let , me share a couple of things fr a start ! (: i love my both and guys and girlfriends <3>

i had a wonderful day today (: i bake some nicely shaped heart biscuits and adr strawberry pt tengah . I bake a few , just to see whether it turn out well . tpi tadi buke i only gt to eat just one ): sumer daa abes . sedih right ? then , headed to causeway to buy shoes , mine cost $40 . i korek my mom abes abes sehh , shop pt cotton on sumeee . kesian dier , later i gaji i bayar baleq okayy ? (: which is maybe , another 10 years ! ^^ okay laa , sayer tired sangat . mawuu tido laa (: slamat malam semua !

2010-08-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

People say , let go of the past and look to the future . Well , its easier said than done . I'm still trying , bt i just don't understand why people say 'i love you' and not mean it . I don't want to fall for words cause its bullshit ! i believe in those words once , bt not animore . I realised , 'i love you' are just words . Anybody can say it , even my babysister ! what does 'i love you' bring ? hurt laaa sia ! people don't mean it . People tht are too naive , like me will believe in forever and i love you . There is no such thing ! one minute tht person will say i love you , and hate you like there is no tomorrow the next . This is really true . People like me , are wishing for fairytales to happen . things to fall down from the sky . Bt , not facing reality , because we are the one whom know best tht reality sucks and it hurts . We tried to face away from reality , bt how long can we do tht ? one day or another , we have to face it whether we like it or not . I tried so many things to make me hide my tears and hurt , try acting strong when everything ard me is falling apart . trying to reassure myself tht everything is gonna be okay ... how long can i hold on to this ?

2010-08-03T05:20:00.000-07:00

Bowling night (: it was on saturday !

best gyler oi , janji naq turn up 9 orang jee tao . Behh , 20 yang datang turon ! kecoh satu bowling alley . Kiter book 4 lanes and sumer challenge ^^ teke saper menang , my team laaa . Yang , kt atas tuu dier nyee group photo ^^ heeeee , after all that , kiter finish ard kul 12 lebih , and headed to al-ameen to had supper . i ate roti prata cheese (: haha , and baleq , reach home at ard 2 plus . Penat gyler bt fun oi ! haha . and btw i was sick tao tht time , having high fever , tapi kener pakse . but surely , it was unregretful .

hehe ^^ close friends know why , heheh

And , second thing . Yaani stay quiet tht doesn't mean i don't know what have been happening tao . There is a way to treat me , i'm a fifteen year old , and i'm pretty sure all of you don't like to be screamed at . Well its the same to me . I'm not your lil sister , tht you can just throw tantrum at .I know , my face taqqan boleh marah lamer , this is because you haven't see me . I'm controlling it , cause i don't want to spoil anybody mood but I have my patience , and it has its limits . by the time , i get really mad, and that is the time , i wouldn't forgive tht certain person ): please , don't test me . cause , i love you . but , i hate the way you treat me ... please

everything is temporary

2010-07-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to forget you ...

Throw the memories i had with you ..

i'm trying not to love you ..

Its hard but i will , slowly ...

selamat hari jadi

2010-07-27T04:03:00.000-07:00

I want to wish haapy belated birthday , to my deares sisterlurpp (:

Semoge panjang umur murah rezeki , umur daa dua belas tahun . Daa taqleh maen nan anak patung barbie doll tawuu ^^ haha . May , you senyum senyum dan bahagie slu di samping kakak dan keluarga tercinta (: Never hear me say this right ? bt i love you , Nur Fidiyana Bte Jumari

Yang laen nyee gambar adr yang censored ^^ banyak nan fara uhh tapi . Nnti i go bluetooth and i'll update more okay ?

nO RIGHTS

2010-07-22T04:36:00.000-07:00

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan ! taqmo merajok nan aqu lagyy ! HAHA ! aqu taq paitao ko ! okay okay , keemy and ikha next week tuition irfan will sit with me :D irfan ? boleh ehh :D taqmo merajok tao , bestfriend . And and , i think this gambar of irfan is coooool :D

School , was okayy . Except for the pe lesson , i had conflict with basrya . Duer duer nan taqder mood , aper lagy . Kacau sikit , melenting . Babe , sorry lau aqu tunjok muke and all . Sorry tao iloveyou . then then , english lesson best :D LAUGH LAUGH ! tapi , during the description drawing . Suriati drawn my face terribly ): adr ker , yaani center parting . Yelaaa , baru gunting side bangs ): haha ! taqperlaa , no big deal . Maybe , basrya did a horrible job , describing me :P hah!

i don't like to be controlled , you have no rights over me . If you value our friendship , stop it . Cause i hate it . Now , i'm telling you straight off . Taqmo cakap yang bukan bukan , and get angry , just because i won't listen to you . i'm not your puppet . and you're not my owner .

grow up

2010-07-19T07:31:00.002-07:00

Heyy , sorry for so long never update , busy :D

Today , i had this really motivational workshop on sucess , and I LOVE IT :D . best gyler oi ! and macam for the first time , i concentrated , for the whole 3 hours just on lecture ! and i know , some of you might agree with me too kan ? heee :D

Girls : I know , i hadn't shown you enough on how much you people meant to me . Maybe , i didn't show it and tell it to you guys , but the truth is . I'm really glad and happy to have you girls by my side and supporting me .. I maybe , spoiled and blnd with everything , bt after the talk early today . I feel there is a need to make you , girls appreciated . I love you girls so the very the much :D

"Who is the one who need to grow up now ? Me or you ? my dear boy :D"

a new fresh start

2010-07-12T00:54:00.000-07:00

I'll move on , don't you worry . I won't cry , another tear , cause i don't want to . I want to be strong , and accept all the things that have been laid infront of me . There is no point regretting , and trying to fight whatever that has been decided . I can't force someone to change their mind . So let me love from a distance , hurt from a distance . Cause , i don't think he even care , so let me be . I don't want to be a coward and run away , from the mistakes i did . But instead , i'm gonna face it , even how tough it may seem to be . This is a new start for Nur Fithriyaani .

I'm touch , that my girls had cried for me and helping me to stay strong , i love you girls .

Deeply and Sincerely :D

When they asked her how was it that she is not sad, she replied, “‘why should I
feel bad? I lost one who never loved me and he lost the one who really loved and
cared for him.”

Moral: True Love is Hard to Get. Love is all about
giving to other person without greed of gaining anything in return, if other
person rejects it, its him/her who will be losing most important thing in life.
So never feel dejected people.

FLYING KITE

2010-07-08T03:32:00.000-07:00

Gambar -gambar kiter main fly fly kite :D hehe , best tawuuu

OMGAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD , besok sjab flag day ! kener pakai full-U sehh , but nevermind amos ! euu wait ahh ! , tomorrow i wear my uniform , like i promise ! HAHA ! -.- kayy stop . Aniway , i just want to offer my congratulations to both fara and hannajid , since they reached two months oready ! :D i hope korg last long long okayy :D BEST WISHES TO BOTH OF EUU ,

and secondly , thx to ikha for the sweet post , i will try to listen to eur advices , i love euu :D

thankieu sayang

2010-07-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

Oh yaa , i forget to say something , thankieu to all my girls for writing bout me at eur blog , both fara and natt :D

THANKIEU SAYANG ,

its my life

2010-07-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

* lepas maen yang pusing pusing , sumer kes terbareng pening ! haha ! *

Yesterday , kiter sumer adr CIP , pergy admiralty park tolong buat weeding -.- boring tao . Banyak nyamuk lagy , some more i wear shorts . HAHA ! Then , dengan tolong tolong tareq tareq , then it rain . Setakat drizzling jekk , then we had to head to rp , to take pictures gutuk , then sumer baleq . Me and girls , head to waterfront jalan kaki ! BEST WOYY ! enjoy sangat . Daa bes panjatpanjat , pusing pusing , duduk maen swing , we walked to jetty . Yang pat hujung , behh talk talk bout life .. 3 of us adr problem , lagy 3 macam problem free . hmph ,biler yaani naq jady problem free ? kann best lau gytuk ..

P/S : i don't care what people are gonna talk . Talk all they want , bitch bout me all they want . They , know me by what people told them , and how they see me as . You people don't know who i really am . I'm only 15 and i think life is to short , to worry abot what other people think of me. Its not them , who are gonna face this . So let me ride what i had gotten myself into . You want to insult and whatever shit , its really up to euu . tapy , look at eurself ferst , daa sempurna baru boleh berbual ? I believe all of euu , have eur own lives to deal with , so why bother mine ? Daa taqder life ehh ?

"We girls , just wanna have our fun"

its painful

2010-06-29T19:16:00.001-07:00

Someone please , knock some senses into me :( i'm hurt .. please .. why did i gve my full heart .. if i know , i'm going to get hurt like this .. Its painful :( I don't have anymore strength to put up with all this , slowly i'm draining out . Everyday , trying to be tough , but always fail .why do i get knocked down , so easily ? people say i'm weak , then tell me how am i suppose to be strong ? somebody tell me , teach me how to ... cause i tried , and nothing seems to work out , i'm sick of crying . I'm tired of chasing , someone tell me how to differenciate the right and the wrong .. cause i'm blinded , with my own feelings . With this feelings , i can't tell who is right and wrong ... i don't know what to do ... everything , hurts ... atleast i'm lucky , i have my girls around me . I know , i have been acting really stupid nowadays ... i keep doing something , tht will get me hurt . maybe tht is the consequences i have to take :( but , euu guys still try to pick me up and gve me encouragement , thankieu my dears .. all i ever wanted is to be happy ... i guess time will heal :(

Why can't i just rewind time ,i want to be problem free

2010-06-29T04:43:00.000-07:00

That should be me ? :(

I maybe , be feeling better . But , i"m still scared

2010-06-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

FUCK THIS LIFE LAR SIA !

No updates ,

its over

2010-06-23T20:16:00.000-07:00

Its over , maybe some of euu will be happy upon hearing this , but sure as hell i'm not . There is nothing i could do , to save my realtionship , all my ten months that i spent wif him , are now memories , i let him slip through my fingers . I abused everything , even how hard i tried , i realised tht maybe to him , my mistakes are just unforgiveable . I'll try to understand why , maybe i'm just not meant for euu . But , i never did nor do i ever want to forget euu . Even if i tried , i know i'm never gonna be succesful . When , i'm falling there is always euu to catch me , but now .. I'm falling , but there is no euu to catch me .. So now , i have crashed , living with nothing else bt our sweet memories . I find it hard to sleep , cause i miss euu so much . Do euu remember tht euu sung for me 'oh yaani' every night to sleep . Euu are the reason of my sweet dreams .. Euu had once promised me , tht euu will never let me go )': but now look , euu are leaving me .. alone . I feel so alone without euu . Cause euu know best that eur not just my lover , but also my bestfriend . See ? I lost everything .. Even how much i really need euu , and how much i love euu , i know tht things were never gonna be the same . I will still wait for euu , eventho my status says i'm single , but i know , my heart still belongs to euu)': i love euu

look what i have done

2010-06-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Oh , look what i've done
I have ruined evtg

I will be - Avril Lavigne
p/s this song is at my mixpod

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down but it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me

And if I let you down, I'll turn it all around
'Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

Without you I can't breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I got, you're all I want, oh
'Cause without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see you're all I need?

And I will be, all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

)':

2010-06-15T04:36:00.000-07:00

I can't stand another minute , without him here )': I can't stand not being able to talk and look at him like i used to .. I miss evtg bout him , being ard me , all the time .. why does it must be separation tht i will learn a lesson ? b , i can't stand it anymore ... I need euu here , i was really hurt when i cn only look at euu , and not talk and touch like i used to .. i regret whatever i did , what does it take to really show euu how much i regret treating euu tht way ... I'm sorry , bt i just can't carry on this way ..

Remember me? I used to be your favourite hello, your hardest goodbye, I used to
be the person you wanted to talk most and will miss if you didn’t get to talk to
me. I used to be someone you wanted to be with everyday and night, I used to be
the first thought in your mind in the morning and the last thought before you go
to sleep, I used to be the girl who you wished to see me smile when I’m down and
who wish I didn’t cry, I used to be the most beautiful girl to you. Yeah, I used
to be that person. Do you still remember me?

i want to change

2010-06-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Even if situations are getting better , i can really see in his eyes that he is still extremely hurt inside )': I feel so guilty so useless .. even his heart aches , he is still want to make me happy when we meet .. keep me smiling , even if he hurts )': every thing tht he do make me feel how much he loves me )': i understand why , he controls me , why he get jealous easily over small things , its because he wants to own me alone , no third parties )'; how can he be so nice to me , when i keep breaking his heart .. he made me realise something , i know there is no other guy tht will be able to tolerate wif my attitude like he do ... )': eventho how much i messed up , he still wanna be there for me .. and loves me , for who i am ... I regretted evtg tht i did , i want to be the girl of his dreams ,the girl tht truly deserve his love , the person tht he trust the most ... i want to change for him )': i hate , myself fer treating him this way ... i want to change ...

I WILL REMEMBER TOODAY

2010-06-07T01:47:00.000-07:00

day by day , the chances of us getting better is slowly fading , i could feel tht i'm loosing him )': i had no one but myself to blame , it was all my fault .. without my stupid act fj square will be perfect )':

i was wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong ..

Bt sayang tell me till when do we want to stay this way , i'm not strong .. i can't pull this true .Do euu know tht i will get jealous when i see couples happy holding hands walking happily wif each other .. i started to miss us )': eur love .. )': i know i don't deserve it now .. bt i just want euu to know how much i miss fj square )': to euu , my tears are like crocodile tears , it means nothing .. i know its pathetic having to hear me cry eventhough it wasn't me who was getting hurt , and i know my heartbreaks are nothing compared to eurs ..

` fithriyaani says (5:07 PM):

i'mnot the girl of eur dreams ?

FiRdAuS=) says (5:08 PM):

not animore \

i miss eu )':

2010-06-04T19:53:00.000-07:00

Its okayy , you guys tht tried to defend me at my tagboard , i somewhat agree with the passerby. I keep saying sorry bt i keep on repeating it , i don't deserve him ... he is too good fer me )': i failed to become a loyal and faithful girlfriend to him , he deserves better than me )': i deserve to be alone and not to be loved by him , cause i don't learn to appreciate him... i look for him when i'm sad , and when i'm happy i look and text other people .. i was stupid .. b , i love euu , i know euu don't trust me .. i tried to prove bt i know , once there is no trust in the relationship i don't think this relationship can go on )': unless , we could work things out , cause as badly as i wanted us to stay together , i know its impoossible .. its up to euu now sayang , i'll leave it to euu )': i love eu

stupid enuff

2010-05-25T00:24:00.000-07:00

I hate myself fer treating him this way , sayang please ): i didn't mean to repeat this mistakes , i didn't mean to replace euu , eur so kind and always there for me , why shud i look fer other guys ): i didn't mean to hurt euu like that , i really didn't mean to toy around wif eur heart . I know i'm really stupid right now when i started to realise there is no euu to really brighten my day , now then i started to regret , when things have become too late ); b , please i know i',m wrong for knowing tht euu love me and won't leave me , yet i abuse my position , i didn't take care of euu well ): it was my mistake , my mistake ): eur the person whom understand me best , yet i do this things ); i'm dumb enuff not to think bout euu before i do something , simple thing as think before euu do ): i ailed to be the girlf tht euu dreamt on having ): i'll make it up to euu i , i promised gve me tht last chance i won't abuse it no more ): please trust me b , i can't go thru things without euu here b , i need euu ): don't leave me hanging like this . I know what i did was really unforgiveable tapy sayang , one lat chance ); please , please i need euu b ):

I didn't mean to hurt euu again and again ):

2010-05-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

sayer taqq gy skolah larr nari (: malas ^^ yelarr , exam daa bes and there is nothing to do at school right ?
So yeaa , later meeting b fer awhile then will be meeting nurul after that kiter mawuu jalan jalan ameq angen ^^ byee ,

scared ):

2010-05-18T07:59:00.001-07:00

Mati aquu ); parents teacher meet are on next tuesday ! Some more i got Mrs Chia , hais dier daa larr kaki complain , mampos larr yaani); Some more , Mr Tan blg 3c that all of the 3D failed their chemistry sumer F9 and only one E8 ! like wth kann ! i studied hard fer that paper sehh ! But i kindda of expected it uhh-.- hmm , i'm so nervous ! okay okaay , we'll see what happen later on oryte (: let just hope fer the best (:

Aniwaes , today pat school was really a bore sehh (: it was post exams activites the sec3's sumer kener , duduk pat hall watched criter up and Alvin and the chipmunks then had cyber welness nyer talk boring per kann ? after school teman b , go marsiling lame go buy rantai and eat KFC^^ then both headed to bawah blk nurul to lepaq wif my dear girls ^^ since daa lamer taqq dudok nan dorg , dorg pon daa start naq membebel so why not larr kan (: taq slu dapat oppurtunity gyni ! so headed home at 4, bused wif wani and her boyf , so right now nan webcaming wif my dear boy ^^ deciding whether wanna go school tomorrow or nt (: hehhe

Sincerely `fithriyaani

Last Song

2010-05-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

Me and LEE at the library :D

^^ hello , today in the morning woke up and haaad breakfast (: grandparents came.Den we all headed to Johor Bahru went city square and watched Iron Man 2 ! waaaah ! best woyy criter dier ^^ and btw i like how the russian people actually speaks and pronouce the words, mcm cool gytukk (: I give that show 9/10 rating yeaa.So tomorrow going out wif b, ikha and aidil to watch the last song ^^ they say its nice ! can't wait (:

And and , b i know in relationship there is always trust once euu betray it , euu gonna loose it ); Don't worry sayang , i'll bear the consequences and i'll really prove to euu , that there is no one else instead of euu,Aqu cinta padamu cintaa );

60 things

2010-05-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

60 things a girl wants you to do, but were never told :D

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her everywhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING

11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?

16. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.

21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car (if any)- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she’s your everything - ONLY if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US

26. DON’T lie to her
27. DON’T cheat on her!
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants
29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT’S IMPORTANT

31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK: (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If shes upset, comfort her..

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT

36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her SWEET DREAMS
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.
46. Rub her back—feels good
47. Give her your coat if she’s cold—thats always cute
48. Write letters on her back with your finger—feels good ;D
49. Let her sit on your lap
50. DON’T poke her hard…but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.
51. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC.
52. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she’s BEAUTIFUL
53. Keep conversations flowing…talk about anything usually they just go along with it.
54. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionatley and gently.
55. Surprisingly sneek up on her and hug her from behind—loves it.
56. Kiss her in the rain.
57. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her.
58. Slow dance with no music
59. Don’t ignore her or be nerveous around her—everything is going to be okay.
60. Love her, kiss her, hold her, and you’ll be good to go. ;)

very very down

2010-05-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

I can't help but to share that i very very down ); I can't stand it being treated this way, being in the middle.I'm scared of doing what i want but instead will hurt others); All i wanted was for us to be happy , but it is going the othr round.. was this how it is meant to be? why, i must care of their felings when I'm here getting hurt all the time .But i know the answer....LOVE ); Love , is the reason i'm stilll willing to hold on. I just wish ,all this will come to a stop , and eventually ends): give me the chance to lead a peaceful and happy life with the person i love , and the person hu loves me..its just that, that is all i want.. ):

Thx dear :D fer cheering me up just now eur the best tao ^^ i lovee you so the very the much

over ^^

2010-05-14T08:45:00.001-07:00

Finally , all the hard work are partially over ^^
yeaa , cause i still have to pass my sec 3 and move on to sec4 right ? So , i'll be back to updating my blog, as promised. So llet me tell you people about the papers.Maths ! paper 1 seems harder than paper2 ,i believe some of you will agree on this, english was fine, mother tounge too.errm ,physics was okayy , chem! waaah ! that one gone case for me, taqdaa harapan -.- i really don't understand chem sehh); i don't know whether to cry later when i look at the results. Conferm big dissapointment. hais thenthen , D&T was okayy , bt sinc i lost ten marks cause of i've gt no pencil.loong story (: taqnaq xplain. hehh .

Let me tell bout my day, morning took cab to school wif mom since we're both late,so we decided to go together.Reached, school headed to exam finished paper at 0930 early kann ? den me and b, went to macD to have breakfast.erm tros head home (:

And and one more thing , i know it's kindda to late , but i want to wish last long to the new lovebirds NOR FARALIZA AND HANNAJID semoga korg last longlong , and happy selalu ^^

Superwoman

2010-05-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

"You've got to show her you need her.

Don't treat her like your mind reader.

Everydayy make her believe tht euu love her.
Treat her wif gentle , cause afterall she is not a supewoman"

I specially like to update blog today , cause its a very special day for FJ SQUARE ^^

To this boy over here :

Special day fer both of us , its our 9 month (:FJ SQUARE lasted fer 9 months , going thru every detail of life together.Tho we often causes each of us heartache , we know tht we still love each other,and wouldn't result to breaking cause its not worth loosing each other over fights right? I just want to clarify tht i love him so much.nothing cud ever separate us ^^

Hiatus

2010-04-30T07:27:00.000-07:00

On Hiatus (:
I'll be back right after examinations ^^
wish me luck (:

oral (:

2010-04-27T04:29:00.000-07:00

I've decided to update my blog more often . Haha more often doesn't mean everyday tao (: Day by day , i think things are goood (: except fer how i messed up the malay oral just know . I speak too little ahh , and cekgu Fazil nyer muka cam expecting me to elaborate more . Bt i can't , my mind was completely blank-.- hais , how i hate conversation . Saper punyer idea agaknye yg naqq detak conversation as 1 one of the components ? ish -.-kayy larr taqnaq bobual pasal ini lagyy sakethati and worried gyleer . So yeaa .
I tell euu what happen frm the morning kayy ?

Morning wake up , blabla sumer met b at ard 0700 . den schooled together . Bacer buku and fara was pissed of with someone (: chill kayy sayang . Lelaki suker buat gytukk , dorg naq prove think positive orytes ? andand , fara and nurul was making me laugh my stomach out tao , hahh , serious dorg nan sibuk bobual care keling gytukk . kekek sehh , they kept stressing on the 'R' haha , good times (: Den had english adr compre test , blehh tahan susah uhh . Had mother tongue , cekgu go thru oral. Me and LEE were talking , criter pasal Mr Starbucks dier tukk . Physics , haiyoo ): sedih . Only i know. Recessed. Maths , i have to finish up alot of homework -.- like serious bnyk amat.After that gt geography test . SUSAAAH ! conferm fail , cause i never study); sedih kann , loose marks . haiyoo . Behh tuk , practice oral wif fara and wait fer oral to start . And i was the second last , dudok situkk satu jam lebih -.- haiyoo . Den bused home wif b (:

love);

2010-04-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

This post is mostly dedicated to love ^^

Dear , thankieu fer all the things you had done fer me . I was so touched , tht you had put your friends and family aside , just to spent time wif me ); the sacrifices you made fer me was countless my dear . You , had done so many things tht really touched me , when me ? i was breaking your heart all the time , and really don't appreciate all the things you had done fer me . I was never there whenever eu need me . But instead , you were there to wipe my tears , and always being there when i'm in need of someone );
B , eur perfect fer me . Don't ask me look fer other guys , cause i love you . And you meant so much to me .
Who says eur useless . Useless people don't meant so much you know ? . I love you , and i know you know that right ? Things we had gone thru together fer the past 8 months are countless b ); we had gone thru so much together yet , fer just one imperfection you want to consider throwing that way . B , listen here . i won't leave you . Even if you beg me too . I just love you too much . i love us , and i wouldn't want to throw it all away . if we have any problems , we shud go thru it together . Not giving up , cause i won't .

Nurul Basrya

2010-04-15T03:41:00.000-07:00

Hellu (:

yaani , daa lamer taqq update blog kann ?

like braper minggu or shud i say months -.-

i very , the irritated nan farah andand natt , yang memekak kat telinger aqu , matimati suro aqu update .

Actually , korg paham lurr sikit , aqu nikk busy (: taqdaa masaa O:

hehh , ohh yaa , tady was funn (:

Kiter celebrate nurul nyerr burfday in advance . She really thought we forgot her birthday . Hello darling , maner kiter blehh luper birthday kao ? ish ish , we're not that bad tawuu .

We want to make this birthday celebration the best ! blehh make it taqq kiter ? Do you like enjoy it ?

Although eu were really coke-ed and tepong-ed . You people shud see her face , during we spread the tepong at her face . Kalaa chinese opera tao :P

Then after singing birthday song all that kiter proceed maen hujan ! waaah , best tao ! splash splash !

and know what daerah blok nurul ! dier punyer lipas ! sikit nyerr banyak ! haiyoo . Nurul daa bising lau 50 ekor dier nampak lipas 50 kali laa dier menjerit kat telinger aqu ! haha . kesian dier ! but it was really gross tao ! it was like everywhere , all over the floor the lonkang sumer ! nurul say they were dead , but kaki dorg mcm still moving . scary -.-

aquu dah kesejukkan dan amat malas naq elaborate !

tapy overall , i had a really fun day ^^ tq , to all lovelies . fer having the cahnace to have fun with euguys was awesome ! ((:

tired D:

2010-03-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

Miley cyrus : When i look at you

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy...

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When I look At You I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars Hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I Know I'm Not Alone.

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like Kaleidoscope colors that
Cover Me, All I need every
Breath that I breathe don't you know
You're beautiful...

Yea Yea Yea

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you
I look at you

Yea Yea Oh OH OH

And you appear Just like a dream
To me.

If only i cud restart evtg . i think i will ): I'm so confuse , really not knowing what to do . Things are happening , not the way i expect it to be . Life shud be wonderful , but ... Why won't god show me , the meaning to all this tests ):

i felt so alone

2010-03-18T02:06:00.000-07:00

I'm jus sick and tired when people kept approching me , and say how disturbed i look .

What shud i do to make me look normal ? Must i smile 24 hours like one mad woman , to show tht i'm not trouble ? What ? Why , can't i choose on what type of character i wish to show ? Why must people question on , things tht i have decided . This is ME ! NUR FITHRIYAANI BTE JUMARI ! and i'm 15 years old . Why , must i be treated like a 10 ? its not fair fer me . I wann make decisions tht i think its good . Decisons fer me . not fer anybody else . Is it wrong ? They hold me , until i dun feel any air to breathe . questioning evtg i do . i decide . why ? Do evtg i do is wrong ? Am i such a bad person ?D; tis things make me feel neglected . people , dun wann to care what i feel . They just decide evtg on my life , and treat like its theirs ? hello eurs is over ! wayyyyyyy over . its my turn . If i make a mistake , let me learn something frm it . So why ? i wann to make decisions fer myself , of course iwud need opinion , frm the more experienced . But just opinions and not decisions ! I feel so neglected , can't eu feel how unfair this wud make me feel ): you gt a taste of being a teeneager , it;s up and down , now let me taste mine . Is tht so much to ask ?? i guess its too much . Now , he is not here . When i cry there won't be anybody wiping my tears away .. i felt so alone D:

And to the lovelies hum lepak at my house just now , thx fer the fun . appreciate tons orite (: ^^ lovee you people . Sikit sikit help me smile abit (: thx korg , gantikkan tempat firdaus bler dier taqder (:

10 more days hunn

2010-03-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'm missing hym more and more each dayy );
So , its a conferm he is coming back at 26 march . Which is ard 10 days more ): But , tht day also i have NYAA camp fer he sec 2 . Oke now , i regretted wanting to becoming a campleader . If i know the date will clash like this . Parents won't let me cancel it . Saying its a good thing larr blaaa blaa . but hu cares ? i wann to be there when he ferst reach s'pore ):
So right now , hearing songs bloghopping frm blog to blog . Bored yeah . Later at 1330 have campleader training at jalan bahtera . Conferm penat punyerr . As they say , it will be a land expediton . Some more yaani adr sikit phobia going there . Pasal one incident tht i was chased by one big dog ! ahaaha stuuupid dog ! disgusting animal ! hahah . kae shuddup yaani .

ohh yeaa , i didn't come to school on Friday , imagine last day of school i did not come . I had an early holiday . Went to tioman . Did alot of water sports there (: gerek . serious . Actually , i'm lazy to elaborate bout my trip . So let me tell eu the overall kae ? i had a fun time . jyeaah(:

And and my results ! 3 pass 3 fail . i pass my english , luckily Mr Yiu was being leniant . Because , i wrote a composition bout ecstacy . I thought it was bout the ecstacy drug . tapy we are suppose to write bout happy pills ! -.- sedihh kan . loose marks psl nikk . the rest , biasaaaaaaaa larr . yaani budak borderline nyeer case .
kae larr byee byee (:

Whn eur not ard ):

2010-03-04T04:42:00.000-08:00

Today , was the ferst day he left ):

and , i miss hym so much ): seriously sehh . But thx , to my lovelies fer helping to cheer me up (:

thx guys , i lovee eu larr (: So today before school , at 7 met b . Before he go , last time meeting before he go .

Thn , he sent me to school , then he headed back naq kuar py airport . The moment he left ): i was in tears . yelarr , we are so close . So being separated fer 3 weeks is a very long time ); hais , i must be patient what cud be worst kann ? atleast we cud still chat rite ? yaani , donn sad2 larr . Look on the postive side in all this(:

hehhe , i guess i'm cheered up . And can't wait till he come baack !!! sayang i wait taoo !

" Dear God The Only Think I Ask Of You , Is To Hold Her When I'm Not Around . When I'm Much Too Far Away"

i love you Mohd Firdaus

2010-03-02T04:51:00.000-08:00

i like this ! haaha (: random seh yaani ((:
I'm so happy get to spent some quality time wif b !!! heheh
in the bad side , i failed mpst of my test ); sad rite i know !
kae larr malas larr naq update , tired -.-

byees , tackaire my lovelies ^^

byeee lovee

2010-03-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

My love is leaving me . Fer three weeks . Yaani , whatever it is i must stay strong , eventho the person i need most won't be ard fer the 3 weeks . The person hum asked me to be patient and face all the hardships wif patience is not here ): The pillar of strength tht i need ): is leaving me fer 3 weeks . i know , is nothing compared to some of you people hum are facing distance relationship . haiss .. ):

Sayang , this is song is fer you . I wann eu to know , eventho eu are leaving me behind fer three weeks . I will not ferget you fer even a second . please keep tht in mind tao dear . I want to give you what you want , give you what you need , i want to gve you my whole heart and not just a piece . I'll give give not a minimum , but everything ): sayang , i lovee you . Tackaire of eurself . i'm gonna miss you so much ):

2010-03-01T00:44:00.000-08:00

Am i being selfish , if i were the only reason , why the person you love is being hold back ?):
I think i am . Its a good offer , and he turns it dowwn bcoz of not wanna leave me ? ): Half of me , i donn want hym to go . but the other half ? i donn wan to be selfish ): i know , i can't tink bout myself ? 3 weeks , is long . Mayb , fer some of you 3 weeks is nothing . but to me , its a really long time ): SEPARATED fer 3 WEEKS IS SUPEEEEEEEEER LONG ! hais... tell me wht shud i do ?):

everithing is gonna end

2010-02-20T17:40:00.000-08:00

Hello to all my lovelies^^

I'm back , and i wish to be active back in blogging ! i miss blogging tao , sharing stuffs on blog .
Yaa larr , i'm a very busy girl (: hehhhe .

So ermm , where shud i start ??
Ohh yeaa , common test ! Its tomorrow . English and SS . You , know what none of my classmates know , what is going to come out , during the social studies paper . So , i have to trouble myself , to read and go thru all the chapters tht she have gone thru -.- tgok larr , taq concentrate . Skrg , kener susahkann diri .
Aniwae , tomorrow is a day , which everyone in my family , is really looking ferward fer .
The day , which i wish , all my tears pains finally gonna come to an end ((: im so happy tawuu ! finally all my prayers have been answere (: hehhe . Bad sadly , tomorrow , i can't skip school because of the common test ): sad cnn ? but atleast i will be able to meet b , in school .

Me and Boyf , one by one . Different type of obstacles trying to test our relation ship ):
i wudn't want , because of this obstacle we both break part ): hais ..
i know , we cud go this thru all this together . i have faith in this relationship , and i trust this relationship wouldn't fall apart over this obstacle ): I also really , wish my attitude wudn't be one of the reasons ):
after all , im a very self-centered person . sayang , i lovee you . i trust , tht you will keep to the promise we made .

dead blog

2010-02-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

Apologies , fer the dead blog .
i shall leave my blog dead fer the time being .
i've been busy , wif other things and sometimes things which are happening to me , are to private to write on blog .
So if there is anyting just do talk to me oke (:
and please do keep tagging , i will reply and update soon enuff (:
Sincerely ,
`fithriyaani

belated birthday

2010-01-23T04:35:00.001-08:00

Ola^^

It has been , how many days since i updayed my blog ? hehh .

So , the purpose of me updating my blog , is to thank all of my lovelies , fer organising a birthday bash fer me (:

I appreciate it tons (: ignore the sarcasm ok ? They all promised no bash =.= yet , i was covered wif tepong and fnn grape ? It was really sticky . Very very sticky ! thankieu to lily , ferst fer chasing me , all across the park just to put tht tepong at my face ? haha , at last she got me . I was like ? hantu eu know . People are all staring , mawuu baleqqq but no keys ? haha , great or what ?

So instead , went to carpark , tempat car wash and clean up . B , helped by using his unuse shirt to wipe the sticky stuffs at my face and my hair ! and and , fer believing what they said , they didn't organise any bash , i was stupid enuff to wear white ? now , the sticky stains won't get off . haha . it was purple , really really .

After , running ard and getting ourselver dirty . ate , PIZZA ! hah , yum yum :P sedap tawuu . at 6+ went back , most of us oready separated , but me and b , followed shasha , cause i need to change . I have to travel all the way to yishun after tht . I miss my grandma . hehehe (: After the changing all tht , received the most sweetestbirthday gift by sayang . He was so worried i didn't like them . oke oke , let me explain , i don like ot , but I LOVE IT ! haha . Honestly , any girl will fall to pieces after their boyf , gave them something like tht , fer a birthday present ((: hehhe .

So at 7+ i quickly , catch one taxi and headed to yishun a mom oready , keep callinh and 24 hours getting worried . haha (:

B : Thankieu , fer everyting tht you had given me . I really lovee , the thing tht you would do just about anything just to make me keep smiling . With you around me , i just can't get sad . You'll make me laugh . haha , likee one mad woman (: tq fer all the chances tht you keep giving me , despite all the heart pains tht i had given you . thankieu , fer be able to be patient with my suckish attitude , tht i had thrown to you . i really , lovee the way you kept me close to you , the way you wipe away my tears , the way you make smile when i'm so down , the way you hug me , tht made felt so secure ): the way , you stared at me , and i pushed your face and eu get annoyed (: hehe , the way we made silly games with each other . the way you called me tembam , the way you smiled at me , the way you look me in the eyes . i'm really greatful fer all tht ): Thankieu so much ): Right now , i'm missing you . miss you alot alot . i lovee you dear (: muahh (:

Happy

2010-01-18T04:33:00.001-08:00

This , song will elaborate more , bout what i'm feeling right now .. ): byee

2010-01-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

I won't be updating my blog , as often now ):
Evtg , is frm bad to worst . I told you , i wan it to stop .. but eventually , instead of stopping it gets worse . I dunno , what to do . People , tell me to stay strong . But how strong do you want me to be ? i wanna enjoy being fifteen . Mama promised she would make this year the most memorable b'day ... yeaa , memorable hah ? This is one thing tht i will never ferget all my life . Whatever , the decisions you make , thinks its good fer us ? You , promised us you will work things out with each other . but this ? this is not working out ? this is letting things falling apart . Worsen everyting . Now you tell me , what else , cn i do to hold up this tears . what else cn i do to stay strong ? What else ? must i continue getting hurt likee this ? i wann all this to end . i really do . but this ? this isn't what i want nor imagine ): I guess , everyone , can't keep the promises tht they made . Even me . Tht shows , how imperfect we humans are ):

Syg , than you for evtg . Thank you , fer listening to all my problems . Thank you so much . I'm sorry , if i wasnt the perfect girlf fer you . Thank you , fer making an effort to cheer me up . You're the best syg ( : eventho , i was crying my heart out , you're there to cheer me up . Im sorry , if i dissapointed you . Im sorry , if i keep on hurting you . Its my fault , so you dont need to apologise . Thank you syg . I lovee you , and i will prove it to you .

Bowling Night

2010-01-09T22:18:00.000-08:00

Hello (:

Im super bored . At home , just finish doing all my homeworks fer tomorrow . DNT , on out ferst day , dah ader hw =.-haiyoo , taq best sehh realie . Some more kener buat presentation , individually plk tukk . haha . So nervous T.T .
kae , bout tht , nanty maybe tomorrow then i''ll update . So currently , dudok pat dpn comp edit2 gambar .

Ohh yaa . Yesterday's bowling .

2130 : Left home , headed to Orchid Bowl .
2145 : Reached there , met all my cousions (: waah , best best . i miss my nenek taoo (:
Long timee never see .
2230: Then , we started playing as we didn't make earlier reservations . We've got , 3 lanes fer 18 people , sumpaah it was darn chaotic . Mcm satu bowling alley , kitaaa punyaa ! haha (: So , deal wit abg sedare . Who gt higher , kener blanjer ice-cream . hah :P teker saper mng ??? My Abg Sedare ! HAIYOO .... py larr terpakser blanjer dier ice-cream , naseb baeq taq mtk yg mahal2 setakat $0.90 jekk . blehh larr tukk
2345 : Kemas kemas , den py SSC , py eat supper pat saner . ate roti prata cheese (: haha , sedap sedap !
0000 : headed home .

After tht , otp wif b . Kesian , dier boring . haha , waited fer me patiently to call him . Aniwae he is starting to read books :P Good boyy kann ! haha . I called him at 0100 + uhh . Lambat right ? sanggop dier tunggu (: haha . Talk talk , at 1400 , i cud hardly open my eyes . So , i slept otp againn -.- haiyoo . washed face fer a while . talk again at 1600 , dah taqlehh tahan ! b , force me to just sleep . Mind him . Normal larr degil , i still wanna accompany him , since he cant sleep . Lepas kener pujok . I slept . haha . Soory ehh , b . I was just too tired -.- maen bowling pnat taoo ! hah .
kae lar dats all , byee (;

exhausted

2010-01-09T02:01:00.000-08:00

Cute kann dier ! haha , i knw !

Hello (:

Yesterday , i had CCA display day . Okelarr , fun but tiring . Except , fer the ferst part , kener marah nan Ms Goh , pasal taq pki full U . Kae , whateverr larr . Some more she lecture me , because of Safiah ! hello , py larr marah dier , salah dier yaani plk kener -.- hais .. taqper taqper . After that , me and shasha , dudok2 jap , nan firJ and faris . Bebual2 , tros kener naeq class , cause its raining . Den , helped amos set up the dummy fer CPR . haha , Amos told me , to demonstrate the CPR , haha , NO WAYY ! paiseyh gyleer woii ! haha . So , change of duty . Me and Shasha , serve drinks while giving out the flyers . Eu know , some people just chase us fer drinks ! haha . Shasha , was running awat frm them ! hah . Lepas , runnig all tht , roughly 6+ packed up , and had last parade . I and Shasha , was having leg cramps , of going up the stair braper kali ! haha . at 6+ went back wif b and Shasha , she just took 913 , pasal taq larat naq walk all the way , till 912 bustop . So , b temaned me , all the way till there . Naeq bas , 8+ ...
Aniwae , b sorry ehh smlm kol tapy tertido pat phone -.- tireddd sangaaaaaaaaat (: heh , Sorry ..

Kae , now woke really early , well . haha . Headed to Madr , meet all my friends there (: rinduu , but sadly Nasriah cant make it , she was sick . Ohh Hunn , get well soon oke (: had this funny , lecture by ustazah . Sumpah , dier gayreq . Perot saket , ketawer ketawer non-stop . 2+ head home , father fetch ... So , until now . Not going out . Plann to go bowling with the rest ^^ wee ! cant wait ! ^^ haha .
kae lar , dats all byee (:

Happy New Year people (:

2010-01-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hellu ^^
Ferst things ferst , HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR ! WOOHHO (: its 2010 people !
Things are going to change , i hope it does (:

So , on friday , went to shasha , crib's . Planned to go buy bag together . So went blues . We saw , this bag .
And , both like the sasme bag , and the same colour (: haha . So , we tied something to the bag to make it lokk diff . haha (: So , after the shopping all tht . Aunt , fetch me and headed to Far East . Talk , shop , talk , shop ! hah . Seriously , both of us nothing to do . Loiter ard town . Then , ard 1900 headed home .

Currently , sitting with cousions pat umahh . just chill , without parents . Guess how chaotic , this place is =.= im stuck babysitting , my small cousions . the big ones , sumer kaki maen game ! haiyoo . haha , so gotta chow now .
byee byee (:

ANIWAE , TOMORROW FERST DAY OF SCHOOL ! HAHA ^^

2009-12-31T01:36:00.000-08:00

i guess this describes me best (: haha

Hello ^^

Finally , i wanted to updatee my blog . After being forced , by some huma being =.- . hehe .

So today , nothing much . Sit infront comp and tv (: and of coz , eat ! . i find myself gaining weight during this holidays .

Getting tembam y'know ! haha . must go fer jog ! yes yes .. i wanna lose wait . New year's mission ! heh .

So planning later , going to watch countdown . Wif family , cousions . yaaa , cant wait !

hmm , aper lagyk naq ckp .

oh yaa , Shasha , thx fer updating fer me . when , im kindda bz (:

eh2 , kao panggel aqu pendek ! hello , im catching up to eu larr oke ! eu short , im tall :P neh neh !

Shasha , shrinking :P .

ingat , naq belk samer beg nan shasha . but cancelled . she cant go out . Next time uhh , syg (:

hmm , i guess thts it .. taq tawu perr naq ckp (:

i wanna , end my post wif this video ! cute kann ! heh (:

Shasha here.

2009-12-22T06:00:00.000-08:00

Hellowh , Shasha here posting for Didyaani pendek^^

You know why i called her pendek ? See lah , now she same height as me . You see the picture above Bby , maseh ingat tak ? We went to the block ;you and Firdaus J lepak . Hahah , suka lah thu ehk Bby ? I really miss u so much . You can't come by today , its okay . I understand . I hope you and Firdaus will last forever kae , cause you long waited for u and him to be together . Whatever problems you have , i'll always be there for you . Share with me anything kay Bby ?

Anyways , Didyaani is kinda busy right now lagy2 tmr she's having a date ^^ So thats all , anything tag her at her taggy kay ? She'll reply soon enough ((:

Falling apart

2009-12-12T00:08:00.000-08:00

Everyting , is just getting worse ... Family , relationship .. all the things , tht i tried my best to hold everyting up . Is finally falling apart ): stupid me ! stupid ! short post yeaa . byee byee ):

P/S : happy , belated forth month b ):

i love eu realie i do ):

1 more day baby

2009-12-10T00:37:00.002-08:00

i know in life there's always its up's and down's . And , i had my time . I was down , fer this whole year .. i had my difficulty catching up , wih everyting , tht was on its full speed ahead): i wish , it hadn't started ... i wonder , will all this ends . Or will it turn out worst ? i never wished all this wud happen . Realie i do . Sometimes , i felt like running . Running away , frm all tis . But if i do ? wht will i get ? more problems ? yea i guess T.T ... hais , if i had the chance to turn back time . i will ): i missed all so much . I miss , walking together , hand in hand as a f***** . realie ... but ... all this turns out diff . haiyooo . kae larr rather not talk bout it ):

unfair ):

2009-12-03T22:57:00.000-08:00

This is just depressing ! i cant hold on to my life .

Everything is just goin , past me so fast before i could hold on to it ):

All , this isn't what , i thot my life wud turn out to be ):

To me , all this is just unfair . Seriously , unfair );

I'm onli 14 , and i had to deal with truck loads of problems ): i'm not strong , to oversome all this on my own ): i donno whether to cry nor scream , im just not getting a hang of it ): i just need a break ! i want a break , frm all this misery .. but i jus donno how): things ard me are just falling apart , i cant grab hold on to it any longer . it hurts . realie . Im tired of trying to pick but everything together , but soon it will fall out again . everything , i tried seems fruitless . They , just wudnt understand what , i had been trying to do ): Do , they ever think of what i felt ? Im under , massive stress , and eur just out there having fun ? Do eu ever thing what it will make me feel ? what the other might feel ? if onli , god cud hear my prayers ... ): i want this to end . i wanna lead a happy life with all my lurve ones ): is tht so hard fer a 14 year old girl wished fer . i just want all this to stop . STOP !

{ To Boyf tersayang }

I noe , i buat perangai nowadaes . i show attitude to eu ): Eur , just putting up all the attitude i showed to eu ... im sorry ): i just cant hold on .. things are much much more difficult . I tried to fake a smile ard eu . I realie , don wan eu to b sad just because of this ): i realie do . Somehow , i just cant hold up the tears ard eu animore . It just kept coming up . im sorry , if eu had to see me cry . Tq , fer being a good shoulder to cry on . Tq , fer always being there fer me ): when things are just ____ . im sorry , fer the immature attitude i gave eu ): i know , eu felt realie hurt . but , it will stop . i promise you . I noe , i said this millions of times , but eventually i'll repeat it again and again ): im realie sorry . i do not have any itentions to hurt eu . but somehow i just did ): im sorry ): truly am sorry ): ily .

i'll love eu , like i always do ..

2009-12-03T03:34:00.000-08:00

hellu (:

Long time no post huh ? haha , lazeyy !
So yea , changed the blogskin its kindda plan , but i liked it aniwae (:

hmm , decided not to go to SJAB NCO , camp tomorrow . 4 days 3 nights people ! imagine ! 4 days , of torture .
-standing under the hot sun
-wearing such painful boots

and having blisters&cramps ! and onli 3 hours of sleep ! no no no . im not fit fer it ! yet . heh .
Next year , mayb i'll reconsider . I know , Ms Tan will come after me . but hello ! i have good reason ! onli me and he know lar oke (: hehe .

Morning , woked at 7+ , texted b , and slep again till 10 . haha , long uhh ? mom not at home , so took advantage of waking up late . Then 12+ met b . darn , i missed him ! haha . den , kte lepaq . 2 plus reached home . awhile right ? i need to go bck , and he needs to go to his granparents place . so yea , so frm just now , watch tv and ROT ! haha .

i lovee the lyrics fer this song . listen to my blogsong , and sing along ^^ heh
OhYou gave me a reason
You told me that I'll always be yours
OhYou are my desireMy heart is so on fire for you
I can't stop loving youLoving you, oh no
[Hook:]Cause I don't wanna end upIn your rear view
Wanna be someone you could turn toBaby, I never wanna lose youNo, there's nothing I won't do
[Chorus:]So I'll watch you like a movieI'll sing you like a song
Read you like a story
If it takes me all night long
Keep you like a secretI'll tell you like a joke
It's true It's true
That I'll love youLike I always do(Love you like I always do)(Love you like like like)
[Verse 2:]You are so amazing
You stepped in and saved my life
OhEvery time we are together
My time is yours forever
My world is all yours
[Hook:]I don't wanna end upIn your rear viewWanna be someone you can turn to
Baby, I never wanna lose youNo, there's nothing I won't do
[Chorus:]So I'll watch you like a movie
I'll sing you like a song
Read you like a storyIf it takes me all night long
Keep you like a secretI'll tell you like a joke
It's trueIt's trueThat I'll love youLike I always do
HeyBaby, you'll never leaveNo, I'll never leave youYeahOhYeah
[Chorus:]I will watch you like a movie
I'll sing you like a song
Read you like a storyIf it takes me all night long
Keep you like a secret
I'll tell you like a jokeIt's true
It's true
That I'll love youLike I always do(Like a movie)So I'm gonna love you, yeah(Like a song)Oh girl, I'm gonna love you(Like a secret)I'm gonna love you(Like a joke)Oh yeah, I'm a love you like I always doYeahI'm gonna love youLove you like I always do

honesty , is the best policy

2009-11-28T03:06:00.000-08:00

hellu (:
dah lamer ehy ,tarq update . Malas lerr -.- hehe .
kae lets update .

Firstly ,
i told mom , bout my relationship with b ...
expected , she nagged and nagged -.- ... i noe , some people will think im crazy fer telling her this and its kind of obvious tht she wont approve , of this young relationship , but so what lar kann ? i still , study , when i had to . I'll balance my time really well . Mom , said this relationship , is like love in secondary schools and wouldnt last long . haish ]; sedeyh y'know . Me and b , are realie confident bout this realitonship , and we will prove eu wrong [: we will! i seriously , don understand parents , hu , want to cut the childrens hair , groungd them , so tht , guys wudnt like them ? weirrd -.- What , really motivates me , was i had a friend whom parents , had been lover since 14 years old . And their still togehter till now ! [: cool or what kann! i wanna be like them . hehe aminn (: i love mohd firdaus bin jumaat , and no one will change tht (:

Secondly ,
fer shasha lee ,
sayangg , i donno , wht to say eu noe . im glad eu had made a choice . and it seems to me , eu kindda regret it , after leaving amin . patience kae syg . if eu think fai , is better . i will support eu in aniwaes (: i miss eu tawh , syg (: think twice before , eu make a decision (: and happy belated birthday to eu !!! hehe (: A.S (eu noe , i noe (:)

lily , eyaa , shasha , i miss eu all lar ! kiter jumper kae ! soon (:

i dun understand

2009-11-17T21:15:00.000-08:00

i do not noe , either to be mad nor irritated -.0
this is just unfair . i noe , [insertname ] is coming back . i persuaded eu . Then , eu agreed ! tpy, i had to finish up , the things eu told me to . kae finee ! i listened to eu , i did all of it ! i woke at 0430 , to finish evertything up , so i can go out today . Now ?! when , i finish everything up ! what did eu sae !? NO !! wth ! i did house chores ! i mark my sister ass. Eu ? what did eu do ? sit infront of the comp the whole day ?! talk to the phone wif humever ?! eu go out anytime eu want and [insert name] oesnt , even ask eu to do any type of job ! eu went out till , whatever time eu want ! but me ?! i cant even go out ! on the day i want it ! why are eu so unfair ??! where goes , the responsibilty ? do i have to do it all fer eu ?! and eu just sit down and order me ard ?! im not eur maid ! why , cant eu do it eurself ? eur bz , i understand. but eu have to make time fer eur family . i needed eu ! as a person , tht loves me ! but nt , a owner , that bosses me ard ! im not eur dog . i agree , ii can help , witth whatever i can do . i tried to understand eu . but do eu understand me ? why cant , eu treat me like any other people [insertname ] treat their [insertname ] cant eu see , tht im realie hurt , at the way , eu have been treating me . dont eu noe , what i felt ? i respect eu . i loved eu . but , eu need to understand me too . haish ... i just , could hope and pray , everyting gonna be oke .

Aniwae , to all , i'll be leaving fer holiday tomorrow . I'll miss eu peole (: tackaires byee .

P/S : I wrote all this , so tht eu will understand how eu feel .. thts all . the rest is all up to eu .